Less Keystrokes, More Bonbons

Good news from those whizzkids at Google. It seems their email service in the UK is once again going to have the suffix "@gmail" at the end of all email addresses. This is after it went on hiatus during a legal dispute and became the irritatingly elongated "@googlemail", thanks to some pedants that claimed they already had an Internet postal service called Gmail. Splitters! But of course anyone with the foresight to realise Google were going to take over the entire world and ultimately destroy it by creating an all powerful world-superbrain made from millions of PC 'synapses' that will eventually subdue and enslave the human race, forcing us all to have the word "beta" stamped onto our foreheads and exist in a state of servile obedience, feeding it's ever growing omniscience of our every waking moment via Twitter and Facebook updates - anyone with THAT kind of foresight, would have already been in on the Gmail bandwagon in the early days and would therefore have an @gmail address anyway (if you ain't with us, you're ag'n us).

Still, as we hurl our individuality into the void and accept that we're all doomed to be nothing but constituent parts of a larger 'person', henceforth known as Google, we can still celebrate the fact that at least we'll be doing something for the planet. Once our entire lives are absorbed into the Googlenet we'll hardly need to go outside at all, so all those cars will just sit on the driveway, harmlessly rusting. Farmers will have no need for real cows, they can just milk their virtu-cows on Farmville, which means a lot less methane going skyward. Yup, Google is our friend, and should we ever need to communicate with other human-synapses elsewhere in the UK, we can now do so with greater ease thanks to a significant saving of five whole keystrokes for every @googlemail that has been shortened to @gmail. The boffins at Google HQ said: "we estimate this name change will save approximately 60 million keystrokes a day. At about 217 microjoules per keystroke, that's about the energy of 20 bonbons saved every day!" Since there will be no cows to eat after the Goo-pocalypse, bonbons may indeed be the energy source of the future. Savour every one dear friend, you will need the energy.